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Today's Mothers
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. This is a day set aside to honor mothers for
the countless acts of kindness, love, concern, and dedications they have
shown their children.
But, about this time of year is also "Mothers take your daughter to
work" day, a day which teaches young girls the benefits of a working
career over being a homemaker and mother. The role of mothers has
certainly changed in recent years. How important is motherhood today and
what should be the role of today's mothers?
Today I want to talk to you about what the Bible has to say about
motherhood, its duties, and its responsibilities; and compare it with the
practices of altogether too many mothers today.
If we are to "keep the commandments in order to enter into life" (Matt
19:17), let's start by reading a commandment:
Exo 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may
live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Again in the New Testament, Paul writes:
Eph 6:2-3 "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first
commandment with a promise-- {3} "that it may go well with you and that
you may enjoy long life on the earth."
This is the first commandment with a stated promise. How will you
enjoy long life? - By honoring your parents. But honoring your
parents is another principle and law which has been set aside for a long
time. Notice what Christ said to the scribes and Pharisees about this in
Mark 7:10-13.
(Mark 7:10-13 NASB) "For Moses said, 'HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR
MOTHER'; and, 'HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER, LET HIM BE PUT TO
DEATH'; {11} but you say, 'If a man says to his father or his mother,
anything of mine you might have been helped by is Corban (that is to
say, given to God),' {12} you no longer permit him to do anything for
his father or his mother; {13} thus invalidating the word of God by your
tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as
that."
Yes, even in the days of Christ, people, even religious leaders, were
finding excuses to ignore their responsibility to help their parents. In
the example we just read, the religious leaders were finding a way to
divert to themselves what was owed parents. Christ is telling us here that
no matter what our age or whatever our relationship with our parents has
been, we must help and honor our parents.
But in order to honor to the fullest, we must respect to the fullest.
The duty of the children to respect the parents can be eased by a parent
earning the respect of the children. How does a mother gain the full
respect of her family? The Bible has much to say about this. Let's see
what Paul instructed Timothy concerning young women.
1 Tim 5:14 So I counsel younger widows (single women) to marry,
to have children, to manage their homes and to give the
enemy no opportunity for slander.
As we read here, a mother must be a home-maker or home manager, just as
the father must be the bread winner. I don't mean that the mother can not
be a bread winner too. There may be many reasons why the wife or mother
may want or need to be a bread winner. If the children are gone, the
mother may want to work outside the home for additional money, perhaps to
put the children through college, or to sharpen up the professional skills
she had before she became a full time homemaker. If additional income is
required to support the family while the children are growing, the mother
may want to find a job she can do while staying at home. There are many of
these today: Caring for other's children, typing, telephone canvassing,
sewing, ironing, growing and selling home-grown vegetables, painting
pictures, selling hobby-crafts, consulting...the list is endless. I well
remember that my grandmother, who lived on a good-sized farm in Minnesota,
raised vegetables and turkeys to sell to give her additional money around
the house. It wasn't that they couldn't make it on the farm's income...it
was that with her extra effort they could have more of the nice things
everyone desires. My point is the mother's first priority must be to her
home and the raising of her family. This is probably more important to the
welfare of the family than the amount of income of the father/wage earner.
It is for the mother to make the house a home - to keep it up - to manage
it.
So the first responsibility we will discuss today is the home. My main
points are not in any particular priority order.
Point #1. The home must be a place for security, comfort,
enjoyment; not just a pit stop. To prevent the home from becoming just a
pit stop, each member of the family must feel comfortable with the home
and have responsibilities for the welfare of the family. The home has to
be a place of constant, uplifting, and supportive conversation so that a
community spirit exists within the family; a community spirit which
engenders loyalty, family closeness, love, family projects, family unity.
With the mother working outside the home in most of today's homes, this
community spirit is reduced or destroyed, the children must find others
who seem to fill the child's need for this community spirit, and the home
tends to become just a house where their family sleeps - hopefully.
What did Paul mean by "give the enemy no opportunity for slander"?
Women who do dedicate themselves to the home and family are usually the
first ones to be blamed when something goes awry in the family. To prevent
criticisms of the family, a woman must manage her home effectively.
In other words, it is important for women to work hard to keep up their
home and family so the whole family wants to be there and so the family
carries a good reputation. Paul has an admonition for Titus regarding the
conduct of women.
Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way
they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach
what is good. {4} Then they can train the younger women to love their
husbands and children, {5} to be self-controlled and pure, to be
busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands,
so that no one will malign the word of God.
A woman's work is never done. And these verses in Titus prove it. Long
after the children are gone, the wife and mother or even the older single
woman must continue to work at being reverent, holy women, consecrated to
God; not slanderers - a problem for some older women, good examples, so
they can teach (privately, not publicly) younger women, by precept and
example, how to be good wives, mothers and even how to be successful
working, single women.
Verse 4 forms an important foundation for domestic happiness: They
shall school or admonish the young women to be lovers of their husbands!
Verse 4 also admonishes the young women to be lovers of their children. In
my opinion, young mothers can not provide proper love for their children
if they farm them out to others to train while the mothers work outside
the home. Although I know there can be situations where this almost has to
be done, it is not the best way, despite what you read and hear in these
end days. There are some women who just do not have as much love of
family as they should. I’ll discuss one aspect of love, the teaching of
moral values, later.
Verse 5 in the KJV says 'keepers at home' instead of 'busy at home.' In
the Greek it seems to say 'guardians at home'. Some versions say 'workers
at home'. The bottom line is that they be active in household duties, the
antithesis of Prov 7:11.
(Prov 7:11 NKJV) She was loud and rebellious, Her feet would not stay
at home.
The word 'kind' in Titus 2:5 is interpreted by some to not only mean
good, but also to mean that the wife and mother be thoughtful and thrifty,
though not to the point of stinginess.
The wife and mother must be the home manager. She must manage time
in the house. She must be able to plan ahead so she will not spend all her
time at the store. For instance, when she goes shopping, she should shop
for several days worth of meals. She must spend enough time with the
children to teach them how to behave and do things. She certainly must
teach the daughters how to perform household tasks and how the mother
pleases her husband in her relations with him. She must teach all her
children moral values. In our way of life, most things can be bought in
stores. But it is still desirable to teach children how to sew, knit, make
ceramics, crochet, refinish and build furniture, grow vegetables, hunt,
fish, carpentry. Obviously, some of these responsibilities must be shared
by the father.
Point #2. The wife has a responsibility to her husband and family.
Prov 31:10-31 gives the description of the ideal wife.
Prov 31:10-31 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth
far more than rubies. {11} Her husband has full confidence in her and
lacks nothing of value. {12} She brings him good, not harm, all the days
of her life. {13} She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
{14} She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. {15}
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and
portions for her servant girls. {16} She considers a field and buys it
(she owns her own business); out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
{17} She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her
tasks. {18} She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does
not go out at night. {19} In her hand she holds the distaff (a staff on
which fibers, such as flax or wool, are wound before being spun into
thread on the spinning wheel spindle) and grasps the spindle with her
fingers. {20} She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to
the needy. {21} When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for
all of them are clothed in scarlet [a double change of garments -
possibly double layered garments]. {22} She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple [a royal color]. {23} Her
husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the
elders of the land. [She has not grumbled about him and ruined his
reputation, but rather enhances his reputation by assisting and
encouraging her husband and by her own conduct.] {24} She makes linen
garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. {25}
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to
come. [She is confident and secure.] {26} She speaks with wisdom, and
faithful instruction is on her tongue. {27} She watches over the affairs
of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. {28} Her
children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises
her: {29} "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." {30}
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the
LORD is to be praised. {31} Give her the reward she has earned, and let
her works bring her praise at the city gate.
There's not much one can add to that. Here is the perfect wife and
mother.
Point #3. The third responsibility of a wife and mother really involves
how she successfully deals with her husband.
Eph 5:22-33 Wives, submit to your husband (not every man) as
to the Lord. {23} For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is
the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. {24} Now as
the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their
husbands in everything. {25} Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her {26} to make her
holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, {27} and
to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle
or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. {28} In this same way,
husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. {29} After all, no one ever hated his own body, but
he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- {30} for we
are members of his body. {31} "For this reason a man will leave his
father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one
flesh." {32} This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ
and the church. {33} However, each one of you also must love his wife as
he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. [Notice: There
is no conditional "if" in verse 33.]
1 Pet 3:1-7 is a good example to an unconverted husband:
1 Pet 3:1-7 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so
that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over
without words by the behavior of their wives, {2} when they see the
purity and reverence of your lives. {3} Your beauty should not come from
outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry
and fine clothes. {4} Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the
unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great
worth in God's sight [that would not include yelling at her
husband in fits of anger]. {5} For this is the way the holy women of the
past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They
were submissive to their own husbands, {6} like Sarah, who obeyed
Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you
do what is right and do not give way to fear (hysteria). [A supportive
wife strengthens her husband.] {7} Husbands, in the same way be
considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as
the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the
gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Notice that, in verses 3 and 4, that it is not wrong to have beautiful
outward adornment such as pretty hair, jewelry and clothes. But, as verse
4 states, real beauty should come from a gentle and quiet spirit (the
inner self) rather than outward adornment.
But these three points are not what we see today. Today's women are
taught as small children that they should be independent; well educated
for the work place (not for the home). They tend to plan their families
around their jobs, letting the behavior of baby sitters serve as the
example for their children to follow, giving the children the example of
TV programs to teach them values, sending them to ungodly schools who
insist on the children accepting the school's values - such as "just
because your parents believe that, doesn't mean it is right for you;"
"better to be safe with condoms" because the kids will do it anyway;
"don't bring your Bible or prayers to school - it's unconstitutional (a
cop-out for the teachers); "feel good about yourself;" or, "if it feels
good, do it."
I mentioned earlier the subject of letting others train your children
while the mother works. Let's talk more about that subject. As a New York
Times editorial put it: "Legions of American children are growing up
without fathers, with children for parents, in neighborhoods so dangerous
they can hope only to make it through the week, rather than plan for the
rest of their lives." This adds up to a crises that jeopardizes our
children's healthy development, undermines school readiness and ultimately
threatens our nation's economic strength as we see happening today. This
well describes the children of the under-class, but how about the rest?
What these and all children need most is parents. Former Health and Human
Services Secretary Louis Sullivan once said, "Children who do not live
with a father and mother are more likely to be high-school dropouts, more
likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and are more likely to be dependant on
welfare than children who live with both biological parents."
Conversely, most believe that good parents, however disadvantaged, can
make all the difference. The solution to crime, said former Governor Romer
of Colorado, is parenting, parenting, parenting.
Social scientists tell us that with enough income and enough education,
the risks of an underclass childhood drop away. Is this true? How many
drug problems, divorce problems, suicides, and other horrendous personal
problems of the extremely well-to-do of Hollywood do you hear about?
Mothers today read obsessively about child-rearing. Dr. Spock is
probably the most famous but there are hundreds of other "experts" who
write books on babies, young children, adolescents, only children, twins,
the psychology of the one-year-old, getting children to eat properly,
toilet-training, adoption, family problems,....you name it.
We used to hear about "the attachment theory" a lot. That is the theory
that a child psychologically attaches itself to the adult who cares for
it. It became a cornerstone of child-rearing theories at one time. There
was never much agreement as to at what age this attachment was supposed to
occur; some said three months, others said days, some even said 30 or 40
minutes after birth. The attachment theory was probably given its biggest
boost at the end of World War II when orphaned and refugee babies in
Europe failed to thrive despite having all their physical needs met by
institutional care. Some infants even died - again with no apparent
overriding physical cause. What was missing? There was no "special person"
to attach to. That special person is typically the mother. Who is the
special person when the child is left in day care centers or with baby
sitters?
Modern child-rearing experts do not write about the attachment theory.
Their main goal is to sell books to working mothers who have guilty
consciences about abandoning their children to others. Today, well over
50% of mothers with children under the age of 6 work outside the home.
Today's books on child-rearing encourage women to work outside the home by
telling them that both the children and the parents will be better
adjusted because of it. What these writers propose is having "special
moments or quality time together" with your children. What might these
special moments be? Often they are once-a-week play or 15 minutes of quiet
time each night. Some parents read favorite bedtime stories into a tape
recorder so their child can listen to it when the parent gets home too
late. Some years ago in New York a child could listen on the phone for a
prerecorded story-telling service for the price of only 85 cents a minute.
Some parents even arrange for the recording of their child's participation
in a soccer championship, when the parent has to be out of town at the
time. These examples are the language of an appointment book.
Parents today are encouraged to spend more time on the person most near
and dear to them ... i.e. themselves. Mental-health professionals tell
parents it is wrong to feel guilty about putting their children ahead of
their own wants and needs. In their mind, parents who sacrifice for their
children somehow cause the children to suffer. Perhaps it is through that
benevolent attitude that modern parents encourage their children to grow
up before their time.
A child born today to a teenage mother will go home to a neighborhood
few of us can even imagine. That child will almost certainly grow up poor.
He or she will more likely than not be involved in drug use, violent
crime, substandard medical care, perhaps even neglect. He may not know or
ever see his father. Can anyone say that that child is better off than a
child who has both parents present and attending him? Can any of us say
that the parents have a virtually unlimited right to put their own needs
and fulfillment ahead of the child’s? Can any of us accept that a parent
who exercises these rights is acting in the child's best interests? I want
to read an editorial from the Los Angeles Times of some years ago.
From latimes.com
Monday, May 7, 2001
Not All Mothers Rise to the Role
By Norah Vincent
Motherhood is more than a biological imperative. The fact that you
carried an embryo to term does not make you a mother any more than it
makes you an obstetrician. Strictly speaking, it makes you nothing more
than a viable genetic host. Motherhood is something else altogether, a
relationship earned by years of sacrifice, dedication and care, not
awarded by an accident of birth.
So on this Mother’s Day, we should be doing more than mouthing
laudatory platitudes. We should be asking every assumptive mother to ask
herself one honest question: Am I doing or have I done my job?
I say this partly because one of the most famous mothers in recent
memory, murderess Sante Kimes, is in the news again. Kimes and her son,
Kenneth Kimes, were convicted of swindling and murdering an elderly New
York City woman and now are accused of killing a Granada Hills
businessman. But Kimes other son, Kent Walker, has just published a
memoir, "Son of a Grifter," about his life of crime and abuse with his
mother and half-brother.
Now a vacuum cleaner salesman living with his wife and children,
Walker managed to escape his charismatic mother’s corrupting clutches as
well as the life sentence she and Kenneth are serving in New York
prisons. Meanwhile, Walker is on a book tour, shocking everyone who
thought motherhood was sacred. He says he’s lucky to have survived and
did so only because he managed to befriend a few "normal" adults and
because he is an unusually strong person. His brother, he says, never
had a chance.
I say this also because a conversation I had recently with two
fifth-grade public schoolteachers who work in one of Manhattan’s most
blighted schools reinforced my belief that maternal irresponsibility is
at the heart of a great many problems in the inner city. Problems that
government largess cannot solve because it cannot reach into the private
lives and decision-making processes of ignorant, unprepared or uncaring
women and girls. Fathers are guilty here too, but they have long been
rightly pilloried for desertion and neglect. Mothers often get a free
pass as the innocent dupes left holding the bag. This is a myth.
One of the teachers with whom I spoke related a conversation she’s
had with two 12-year-old girls in her class, both of whom said they had
already had consensual sexual intercourse. When asked if they had used a
condom or any other form of birth control, they answered with a puzzled
"no." The concept of prophylaxis was clearly foreign to them – as was,
subsequent questioning revealed, the concept of pregnancy being a likely
result of unprotected sex.
Yet the phenomenon of young motherhood was not, by any means, unknown
to these girls. They were, in fact, surrounded by it. Their own mothers
had given birth while still in their early teens. Countless friends and
acquaintances were doing the same. The degree to which these girls had
come to expect teenage motherhood became obvious when one of them said
derisively of her older sister: "She’s already 20 and she doesn’t even
have a baby yet."
Here you have the classic vicious cycle. Girls getting pregnant way
too young because their own teenage mothers didn’t learn from their
mistakes or bother to convey the facts of life to the children they were
woefully ill-equipped to raise. Thus, the legacies of ignorance,
unplanned pregnancy, poverty and abuse go on apace, robbing generations
of children of any opportunity to better themselves.
They go to school unable to learn because their ruinous home lives
have left them with severe behavioral problems. Their teachers can’t
reach them. As one of these teachers told me, she spends all her time
disciplining and virtually none of it teaching. She’s a surrogate
parent, forced to lecture her students not on history or standard
written English but on the perils of condomless sex, because nobody else
cares enough to do it. When she calls mothers and tells them of her
concerns, they say, "Why are you calling me?" and hang up.
Leaving aside demagogic rhetoric about family values and the dubious
post-feminist dogma that all mothers are good, its time we spent
Mother’s Day this Sunday reminding ourselves that simply having a child
is no accomplishment and that raising one responsibly must be a mandate.
Throwing public money at the problem won’t help.
Every mother in this country needs to take a long, critical look in
the mirror.
Norah Vincent is a Freelance Journalist who lives in
New York City.
Copyright 2001 Los Angeles Times.
To a very large extent, what's wrong with today's kids is what's wrong
with today's mothers and fathers. If parents were willing to live the
God-directed roles we have previously discussed and not worry about their
materialistic status, the children would be in much better shape.
Unfortunately there are many pressures on both the parents and the
children these days which work against the family. But Satan doesn't mind
that either.
The following scriptures describe other results of women
pursuing the wrong goals:
Isa 3:16-4:1 The LORD says, "The women of Zion are haughty, walking
along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along
with mincing steps, with ornaments jingling on their ankles. {17}
Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion;
the LORD will make their scalps bald." [Is he describing the women you
see today with what looks like crew-cuts?] {18} In that day the Lord
will snatch away their finery: the bangles and headbands and
crescent necklaces, {19} the earrings and bracelets and veils, {20} the
headdresses and ankle chains and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms,
{21} the signet rings and nose rings, {22} the fine robes and the capes
and cloaks, the purses {23} and mirrors, and the linen garments and
tiaras and shawls. {24} Instead of fragrance there will be a stench;
instead of a sash, a rope; instead of well-dressed hair, baldness;
instead of fine clothing, sackcloth; instead of beauty, branding [or
should it say "tatoos"?]. {25} Your men will fall by the sword, your
warriors in battle. {26} The gates of Zion will lament and mourn;
destitute, she will sit on the ground. {4:1} In that day seven women
will take hold of one man and say, "We will eat our own food and provide
our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our
disgrace!"
Notice in verse 1 that women will want to be totally independent of men
and will think they need men for only one purpose - to provide them
children - their disgrace being that of virginity. How descriptive of many
of today's women and adolescents.
1 Tim 2:9-15 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and
propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
{10} but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to
worship God. {11} A woman should learn in quietness and full
submission. {12} I do not permit a woman to teach or to have
authority over a man; she must be silent. {13} For Adam was formed
first, then Eve. {14} And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the
woman who was deceived and became a sinner. {15} But women will be saved
through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with
propriety.
These verses describe a woman’s balanced values in apparel and
adornment. But notice:
1st. The use of jewelry is not prohibited, but rather, outward
appearances are placed in lesser importance to good deeds.
Many think that the use of expensive clothes and jewelry is wrong.
But let's look at some scriptures for examples of how gold and silver
jewelry have been historically used by women (and men too):
Exo 3:22 Every woman is to ask her neighbor and any woman living in
her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you
will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the
Egyptians."
Gen 24:22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a
gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten
shekels.
Ezek 16:9-14 "'I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you
and put ointments on you. {10} I clothed you with an embroidered dress
and put leather sandals on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered
you with costly garments. {11} I adorned you with jewelry: I put
bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, {12} and I put a
ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your
head. {13} So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were
of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was
fine flour, honey and olive oil. You became very beautiful and rose to
be a queen. {14} And your fame spread among the nations on account of
your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty
perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD.
Did God make a mistake here? Were women really too adorned with fine
jewelry and beautiful clothes? Maybe He changed His mind for the New
Testament! I’m being facetious.
Luke 15:22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the
best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his
feet.
Doesn't sound like fine robes and rings were wrong, does it?
2ndly. In 1 Tim 2:9-15, which we read, Paul is condemning the wrong
use of jewelry - that is, women trying to look luxurious rather than
performing good deeds.
3rdly. Women should strive to please their husband and God rather
than the world in the way they dress, act, and talk.
In 1 Tim 3:11, Paul addresses the wives of bishops:
1 Tim 3:11 In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of
respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in
everything.
This verse is talking about the wives of bishops or leaders of God’s
assembly of people, but the principles apply to all women.
In conclusion, motherhood is one of the greatest pleasures but also one
of the greatest responsibilities of life.
A mother has the responsibility to be a home maker. In other words, the
mother has the responsibility to make her house a home.
The mother has the major responsibility to teach both family values and
moral values (laws) to the children. By her example she teaches her
husband, her greater family, and all who see her as well.
With the state of today's public schools, she probably also has the
responsibility to give the children, especially the younger children, an
adequate education, or at least assure that they get one.
There ought to be, and for many of us there is, a lot to thank mothers
for, brethren. I’m sure most if not all of you would share my opinion that
our mother is or was the most loving, sharing, caring person we have ever
known. Mothers are the glue that holds the family, and hence the nation,
together; a glue that's badly needed in the U.S. and many other countries
living in today’s end-time conditions.
Tomorrow and everyday we should all thank God for our mothers, whether
living or dead. If your mother still lives, don't just wish her a Happy
Mother's Day, thank her with all your heart for all she's done for you and
for her family, for all her descendants, and for her example to the rest
of the world.
As we consider our Mothers on Mother’s Day our thoughts should be:
To those who comfort with a mother’s hand, we thank you.
Sermon given by
Wayne Bedwell
9 May 2009
Copyright 2009,
Wayne Bedwell
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